I don’t know whether the major party political candidates for President, and Vice President of the United States know that they both need better writers, but both of those dudes, if they expect us to believe that they think they know what the fuck it is they’re doing — whether they do or not being beside the question — ought to know better. Do they believe we’re so stupid we won’t notice? Barack, and especially John, please repeat after me: “I am not always the smartest guy in the room.” Repeat to self several times. See? It will free your mind from the prison of ‘you are so important’, and makes you think about other people in terms of their value, rather than their cost, to you.
Anyway, what I’m blabbing about is two quotes from two major candidates for public office concerning the apparently imminent government takeover-bailout of the immense mortgage finance Government Sponsored Enterprises, The Federal National Mortgage Association, or “Fannie Mae” in modern parlance, and the Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation (“Freddie Mac”). I’m talking about one reaction quote attributed to Sarah Palin, and a corresponding reaction quote attributed to Barack Obama, in an excellent article by AP Business Writer Alan Zidel, and appearing at:
As I understand, Ms. Palin’s response to the $25,000,000,000 (yes, $25 Billion U.S. Dollars) bailout proposal that is about to become reality this weekend was, as follows:
“They’ve gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers. The McCain-Palin administration will make them smaller and smarter and more effective for homeowners who need help.”
Sarah, you and I need to talk, and I’ll talk to you first. Notice, dear that I’m not asking your permission. This is my blog, you’ll listen if you really know what’s good for you.
Sarah, we think that you are a woman – you look like one, anyway. So, you’re a woman, for Pete’s sake, so shouldn’t we reasonably believe that you know, honey-child, that the size is not all there is to it. There. That was too easy, right? Tell the truth, and no, I’m not compensating or lacking in that department – every woman I’ve ever enjoyed has remarked well on girth and length. ‘Buv average, luv. Awfully hard to hide it when I’m dressed, if you know what I mean.
No. Sarah, Fannie and Freddie are crashing and burning because of some very bad decision-making at the highest levels of those corporations. Isn’t that your supposed bread and butter — change? And what is change, but shorthand for sweeping in and tossing the incompetents out on their ears? If you’re going to carry that theme, and make something of yourself, at least your writers ought to be able to pick up on that bon mot — as in, you shouldn’t be able to miss the broad side of the barn. Incompetent performance by the leaders of our government is the biggest cause of the current high level of anger and frustration of the people in this country today, and it’s logically the one that you can most easily do the most about in the immediate term, and that will have the effect of immediately increasing the quality of life for we your beloved (we hope) fellow citizens of the United States of America. So, here’s a freebie for you — drop a comment to me with your campaign director’s cell number, so that i can text her (it is her, right? You better have a good one, at any rate – don’t listen to Karl Rove, ever. He is the devil – what, did you expect the devil to be all red and wearing horns? Grow up!) my phone # so that she can call me if you’d like to hire me as a written communications consultant for the campaign. I’m a lawyer, got my litigators’ instincts and writing skills at a Connecticut Avenue government personnel system legal practice more than 15 years ago – I got cred. My fee is 200,000Euros wired to a swiss bank account, my exclusive access, up front. If you win, with my help, I’ll stay on as your Chief Campaign Communications Consultant throught the 2012 election campaign for 500,000Euro/yr., same way. Ahem.
My suggestion, for a true leader of the future — the future, Sarah — on the best way to respond when deep kimchee (like the Fannie/Freddie debacle/bailout) is about to fall flat on top of the average little guy like me and you goes something like this:
“The failure of the corporate management team for both Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae to competently manage a business that is so closely linked to the critical real estate economy of the United States of America is resolute, a disgrace, and utterly unacceptable. As the Republican Vice Presidential nominee, I can assure the American people that John McCain will hold the management of these corporations accountable, and he will go one step further — he will change the law to insure that poor management by government officials can not result in harm to your home value. You’ve worked hard for your home; other than the investment we make in bringing a child to life, it’s the most important investment most of us will ever make. Gross mismanagement by corporate insiders — often caused by simple arrogance and poor judgment — cannot be permitted to threaten the good health of our real estate and financial markets. We have learned from the mistakes of the past, and we will not repeat them.”
Oh, and don’t bring God into this discussion. This is about what kind of country we leave to our children. The rest of the world is not filled with motherfucking fools, to put it bluntly, and believe me when I say that there are people in your audience who are well beyond bowing heads and folding hands in homage to a seemingly ‘imaginary man’, beseeching help from outside of the world of reason.
Barack – my man. Your corresponding view was expressed in similar misguided fashion, and you even threw in some ambiguity to give the red-staters some “flippy floppy” ammunition:
“These entities are so big and they’re so tied into the housing market that it is probably true that we have to take steps to make sure they don’t just collapse, because the housing market, which is already weakened, would be in even worse shape if we didn’t take some steps.”
See my advice to Sarah, substitute your name for hers and McCain’s. This is so big that you ought to be talking about it. McCain let his bitch talk for him. You could have one-upped the motherfucker by saying something intelligent, instead of what you actually said. Feel free to use this for the Sunday talk shows, consider this my permission. Fannie and Freddie bailout is as much an indictment of George Bush and McCain’s policies as you will get within 60 days of the election. My god, man, what were you thinking? Are you just exhausted? Get some sleep, you will need a printout of this column with you when you go on Meet the Press, or whatever, in the morning.
Have a great night, folks!
Kisses KM – Bruce