Wow, that was some hangover

Okay, so I’ve been enjoying some incredible homegrown bud all summer long, pretty much daily, and (yes, I couldn’t help but pick at it and smoke most of it “green” – yes it was a little harsh, but I will say that some stuff I was patient enough to let cure just a couple days was smooooooth) it just got better and better until it reached it’s peak about three weeks ago.  It was actually a hermaphrodite that had budded as a male, previously, but I guess I stressed it properly this summer, and when I cut the lights back to 12 hours it just started – wouldn’t you know, sweetie – sprouting female and male flowers (!!!!!!)  OMG, that has to be a sign, right?  I thought that was delicious :^)  So it self-pollinates, and makes some pretty little seeds, which I’ve saved.  I can’t wait to see them sprout and grow, my little babies!

I’ve been extremely morose otherwise, can’t seem to get my marriage back on track, my wife has become less than enthused about my cross-dressing, and the dope, and the motorcycle don’t help I suppose.  So it’s withering and dying before our eyes.  She has her own issues, OK?  I was depressed when she met me.  Anyway, I’m wearing Guess Jeans denim miniskirt, my white corset bra under shortsleeve blouse and black onyx earring tonight, high on some leftover leaf that has some thc content. 

Sorry for the long break, but things have been a little wild, of late.  I must say that I am finding the coverage of the Senate debate on healthcare provided by Keith Olbermann on MSNBC simply fascinating politics.  Obama may have a strategy developing, here, and it is starting look like the healthcare package may have a shot at passing both houses of Congress, different versions in each of course, and then the reconciliation conference committee will work out details on the public option in a less raucous setting than we’re seeing now.  I think that the Republicans have really missed an opportunity here, in that if they had found a way to get on board and put aside the politics as usual for a change, instead of going completely apeshit like they’re doing now, they might be a group about whom more people could feel some pride and satisfaction, rather than revulsion and disappointment.  As it is, the sheer absurdity of claiming to be the Party for hard-working average Americans just shines through.  We know who they’re serving, don’t we?   Nobody I see in the mirror . . .


Kisses, KM


5 responses to “Wow, that was some hangover

  1. Bruce,
    As you know, I have commented on one of your posts before. As the wife of a cross-dresser, I feel as I have a bit of insight into your wife’s attitude toward things. I feel I must say something now because your marriage seems to be self-destructing.
    If you are as unhappy as you say about things falling apart, why do you do things to intentionally piss her off? You have said the pot, the bike and the cross-dressing are all sore subjects with her, yet you don’t say whether you have made any attempts to talk to her or look at things from her perspective. All of these things are a means of escape from your relationship with her; a way for you to avoid dealing with her. How is she supposed to understand your issues if you blind-side her with them and retreat?

    For her, the main issue IS the cross-dressing. She doesn’t understand and you haven’t done anything to help her try to understand, so why should she be agreeable to it? If she means anything to you, you will be understanding to what emotions she has about it. I don’t care what all of those ridiculous books say; wives aren’t required to be understaning about cross-dressing any more than they would have to be understanding about being cheated on. I realize these are two different issues but women look at them similarly because they both take our men away from us; and really, IS there a proper reaction to that?

    • Marly – Some of your comments are fair enough, but there are a few factors I haven’t shared that you may find relevant . First, I smoked weed before we met, and when we met, nearly 20 years ago, so it has been a known quantity. Sure, it’s a coping tool, but has been since i was 20. It has never interfered with my career goals, which I’ve actually exceeded substantially (had my best eval ever this spring in a very demanding occupation). I am probably ADD, and it tends to bring me focus – would lithium or an adjutant work as well? Perhaps, maybe it’s worth exploring, rather than self-medicating. The bike wasn’t intended to piss her off, it’s something I enjoy, it just happens to be something she can’t abide – not intended to aggravate her, it’s a question of each of us being free to pursue things that, while risky, are not inherently hurtful to the other person. I ride because I love to ride. The cross-dressing she doesn’t understand, but it’s become clear over time that it is more disturbing to her, while it brings me comfort and feels natural and right to me. I don’t particularly flaunt it, even in my own house – I typically wear earring, underdress with panties, shave a few select areas of my body because it makes me feel somewhat femme, and I haven’t gone out by myself, or asked her to go out with me dressed – she just seems not to be as accepting as her initial reaction led me to believe.

      Finally, she won’t engage me on any of these subjects in any kind of a constructive way, even though I’m dependable, conscientious, a good provider, and a sweet man who loves her. I’ve talked to her, poured my heart out in sober moments, and I get back . . . nothing. I’ve suggested counseling, for me, for us both, she won’t make a move on it. It’s really a tough situation, and I think it takes two to tango on all this stuff. I have more to tell, but I’ll get to it in some time. I appreciate your reply, and I think I can empathize with the hurt, anger and frustration you’re feeling. Thanks for reading, hon, hope to chat again soon –

      Kisses, KM

    • Marly, didn’t know whether you were aware or not, but there’s a great “safe” (as in serious, NOT a “find CDs in your area to have sex with”) support website/forums/chat for transgendered individuals, with a special section for CDs, that has within it a forum for spouses/SOs of CDs that you may wish to visit, There are some wonderful and supportive people there, and you may find some answers to some of the things that vex you about your husband’s behavior (and mine too). Hope this helps – kisses, KM

  2. The whole pot thing I totally get. I am ADD as well and it is also the one thing that allows me to totally focus. I wish it were legal and believe if people smoked instead of drank, the world would be a much happier place. So I wasn’t criticizing your use of; I was just lumping together everything you have done that you’ve said upsets her.

    On the other hand, I find it interesting you can empathize with my view of what I have gone through with my husband but you can’t see that your wife has the same issues. I am not trying to psychoanalyse your marriage or take her side. It has just been my experience that even though CDing is still taboo, people are more accepting of the CDer, but are not so sympathetic of the wife’s trauma. (And it IS traumatizing.) No one seems to understand that hurt and angry are natural things for a wife to feel. I have wavered back and forth between accepting and pissed off many times myself. Generally websites and books for CDers “and their wives” try to feed us a load of BS and tell us how we are supposed to feel and be supportive. Trust me it isn’t that simple.

    As close as my husband and I are, As much as we have shared during our 23 years together, this has been a real tough issue. I have been loving and supportive about it to the best of my ability and I can deal with him wearing lingerie with me but I told him if he feels the need to go out “dressed,” he’s on his own. As open-minded as I am, I don’t have it in me to play “girlfriends” with him.

    • Marly, dear, I don’t fully understand it all myself, why I identify with and engage in all this behavior. Sometimes I think it’s just nuts. Other times I can’t imagine myself any other way, and I really enjoy the multiplicity of “me”. I’m just sort of feeling my way along, trying to be gentle and discreet about this. Thanks for sharing. I must say that I truly walk around most days feeling like a complete freak already. If I’m made to feel that way by my spouse, in our home, well, it’s just a real heartbreaker, sweetie. It leaves me shellshocked . . .

      Hugs, KM

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