I hate to think I’m getting over my wife, I really don’t know what is happening to me. Time for therapy? But I seem to be losing fear of the thought of “what ever will happen to us”, and more in tune with the reality that I have a certain amount of time left on this planet and want to live in a realistic frame of mind every minute. In her, I see someone who does not seem to be trying to live the life I think she would want to live. She spends so much time unhappy and discontent. She has to know I love her because I really love her (I’ve always been interested in her sexually, and very respectful – maybe too respectful? yeah, I’m sensitive, no, I don’t cry in the middle, but I’m not rough, and if she says something hurts, inadvertently of course, I stop whatever I’m doing so she doesn’t hurt), and because I have dedicated my life (as hard as I work it’s all been for the two us) to her happiness, and comfort, and wellbeing.
I find at 43 I have grown up, suddenly, and begun to confront who I am, and how I want to live the remainder of my life — active, more outdoorsy than I have been, more ‘out’, maybe, than I have been before? I don’t know about that, but involved with groups in some of the activities I enjoy the most in life. And she does not want this, this me that I have become. Alternately, she’s depressed because she is suffering sleep apnea (try a few months of sleep disturbance and deprivation — can cause or worsen depression) — she won’t go see the doctor about it because, yeah, she admitted, she does not want to have to wear a CPAP machine/mask contraption because it will mess up her hair at night, and she’ll have to wash her hair every morning before work.
OK, stuff like that has me asking myself why I was ever interested in this woman? Because she wasn’t always this way . . . that’s why. She attended band practice in Teo’s garage in February, she smoked the ganja with me. OK, maybe I never grew up because I still want to do those things, but if she despises those things, thinks ill of me because I do them, then why does she not lay down the law? “Shape up, or ship out, jackass!” I’ve said the same to her, because I care and because I was right.
Y’all don’t want to hear this crap, right? I know, I think it may be time for some therapy. Counseling. I know, it’s all about the Adidas t6 night s baby . . . am i right?
PS Enjoying a mellow buzz tonight, wearing my a tank top over my 42DD and sz8 forms, granny panties, Levi’s Signature painted on jeans (tucking, tonight), my ‘golden threaded peekaboo mesh 2 1/2″‘ heels (very pretty, “A Touch of Nina” – sz11 <blush>) I feel feminine, all dressed up and free tonight. I’ve become very proficient in heels, BTW; I can even work it, honey – XOXO